Life for me has been "different" the last two months. One night, I felt sick to my stomach and dizzy.
Things progressively became worse... cold sweat pouring out, heart racing, body aching and barely able to catch my breath I lay on the bathroom floor.
In the other room I heard my children playing with Dad, but could not get up to go out to them. I just lay on the floor crying.
I knew something was terribly wrong.
Over the course of the next few days these "attacks" would come in waves. I never knew what would set me off.
Sometimes it happened after eating dinner.
Sometimes at 3 in the morning.
Driving, or at Bible Study. I just never knew.
I had never in my entire life, been like this.
I was always upbeat, fun, could be counted on and always ready for anything.
Finally, I ended up in the ER, unable to breathe, pulse racing, sobbing uncontrollably and begging for tests.
The doctor diagnosed me with Anxiety attacks and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder)
I was prescribed a medication and sent home.
Over the course of the next month things improved. Then, after a recent trip I relapsed back into attacks that were just as bad as before. Shaking uncontrollably, headaches, inability to focus on anything, spiraling despair.
The worst thing about having something like this happen is the fact that it is not real. Something in my brain has become cross-wired and I am accidentally releasing adrenaline when I should not be.
I quit caffeine right before this all started and have been eating healthy food. This is probably my body's reaction to it.
My husband and I have sat down and discussed how we see things.
He was laid off from his job and now is only working part time.
This is a blessing in disguise, he has been able to be home and help me through things.
It has caused me to realize the importance of listening to him as the head of our household.
My anxiety attacks have put our roles back to where God intended them.
I find myself respecting him more, listening to him and obeying what he says.
It has brought me back to focusing on creating memories with my family and ministering to them. I was so focused on meeting the needs of others that I could not see what the Lord had right in front of me.
I am focused on giving thanks in the middle of this frustrating time of life.
I am focused on giving praise to the Lord.
He has given me a wonderful-anxiety free day today. Not one single attack.
It is a huge blessing, that I might have taken for granted before.
With Easter tomorrow, it puts the gift of life and the gifts from my savior in a new perspective.
To anyone who reads my blog, thank you for letting me share so openly and honestly about one of the hardest periods of my life. Every day of the last few months has been an uphill struggle. Each day though, I wake up knowing one thing for certain.
Jesus loves me and I am his child.
If that is where he wants me to focus right now, so be it.
Things progressively became worse... cold sweat pouring out, heart racing, body aching and barely able to catch my breath I lay on the bathroom floor.
In the other room I heard my children playing with Dad, but could not get up to go out to them. I just lay on the floor crying.
I knew something was terribly wrong.
Over the course of the next few days these "attacks" would come in waves. I never knew what would set me off.
Sometimes it happened after eating dinner.
Sometimes at 3 in the morning.
Driving, or at Bible Study. I just never knew.
I had never in my entire life, been like this.
I was always upbeat, fun, could be counted on and always ready for anything.
Finally, I ended up in the ER, unable to breathe, pulse racing, sobbing uncontrollably and begging for tests.
The doctor diagnosed me with Anxiety attacks and GAD (General Anxiety Disorder)
I was prescribed a medication and sent home.
Over the course of the next month things improved. Then, after a recent trip I relapsed back into attacks that were just as bad as before. Shaking uncontrollably, headaches, inability to focus on anything, spiraling despair.
The worst thing about having something like this happen is the fact that it is not real. Something in my brain has become cross-wired and I am accidentally releasing adrenaline when I should not be.
I quit caffeine right before this all started and have been eating healthy food. This is probably my body's reaction to it.
My husband and I have sat down and discussed how we see things.
He was laid off from his job and now is only working part time.
This is a blessing in disguise, he has been able to be home and help me through things.
It has caused me to realize the importance of listening to him as the head of our household.
My anxiety attacks have put our roles back to where God intended them.
I find myself respecting him more, listening to him and obeying what he says.
It has brought me back to focusing on creating memories with my family and ministering to them. I was so focused on meeting the needs of others that I could not see what the Lord had right in front of me.
I am focused on giving thanks in the middle of this frustrating time of life.
I am focused on giving praise to the Lord.
He has given me a wonderful-anxiety free day today. Not one single attack.
It is a huge blessing, that I might have taken for granted before.
With Easter tomorrow, it puts the gift of life and the gifts from my savior in a new perspective.
To anyone who reads my blog, thank you for letting me share so openly and honestly about one of the hardest periods of my life. Every day of the last few months has been an uphill struggle. Each day though, I wake up knowing one thing for certain.
Jesus loves me and I am his child.
If that is where he wants me to focus right now, so be it.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry, Mel! You'll be in my prayers as you go through this rough time.
Happy Easter to you and your family!
Thank you for sharing mel, you are a brave woman. I always pray for you and will continue to do so in this specific area. What determination you have to tackle this head on and let the Lord lead the way... to see the positives and focus on what has come out of this situation. I am glad that Dave has more time at home with you and the kids. Love you mel, hang in there dear friend. Our God WILL take care of you.
I appreciate you Mel! I read this a few days ago but wanted to read it again and again...not because it is fun to read words of troubled times. But it is fun, well...fun isn't the right word. But it is encouraging and edifying to hear the words you wrote. Words of honesty and words of transperancy. Words that reveal you and your deeper relationship with the Lord. Our Father wants us to rely on Him. He doesn't want us to live ON our own IN our own strength. An example you are to all as you lean on Him for strength. Thank you for blogging this Mel. Again, I appreciate you and your journey. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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