As I come up to this weekend, I greet it with mixed emotions.
It would be my nephews first birthday on Sunday.
I remember getting the phone call and finding out he was here. My sister in law and I have a call-first pact, as I recall I almost heard from someone else but got the call just in time. I marveled at his quick delivery and teased her for having such a short labor.
We ended the phone call as I made plans in my head to call later that week.
Sadly, the next time we spoke, it was a brief prayer as her son was life-flighted due to a serious complication.
I sobbed my way through youth group and spent the whole night hitting the refresh button on my facebook as I sat by my bed pleading and begging God for a miracle.
Late in the night we got the phone call we'd been dreading.
More than anything, I wanted to run up as fast as I could to take the pain away from J and C
I felt so astounded that God would ask this of them. More than anything I wanted to know WHY? I understood the death of my own son and I had accepted this as God's will but, I could not understand God's plan and design in taking James. I asked him... how does it make them better people? What is your purpose?
I began to see through the weeks that followed that God did not want me asking why but, instead wanted acceptance and trust in him.
I feel odd writing my feelings out. I feel as though I should be quiet and mum about it. It almost feels selfish. I was not his Mother and did not suffer as she did. Why should I be writing about frustrations and sadness?
I should instead direct my writings to some other area.
I need to tell about it. I want to honor his memory and help keep the memory of him alive.
I have done a lot of talking with my friend/sister in law this year. I feel it has radically changed our relationship. I value her more, I trust her with more of my thoughts.
I see her relationship with her children in a new way. I value my nieces and nephews more.
I am reminded to value my own children.
At this point I begin to see the ripple effect. I begin to see how James has affected those around him more in 7 days then some people do in 70 years.
In my Bible Study, I looked at the life of Stephen this last week. In the past, I have spent a lot of time feeling pretty badly for him. Thinking, poor guy he got taken out when the fun was just starting. I always liked Paul...he lived to a ripe old age but, poor Stephen he missed out.
As I was studying I was stopped in my tracks. Stephen's death was the catalyst for Paul's salvation .
God's plan was for Stephen to jump-start people for Christ with his death.
Also, Stephen was not missing the story he was at the ending of it! The Lord calls some of us to be Paul's and some of us to be Stephen's in life. Each are equally important to the kingdom.
I am so thankful for this nugget of God's wisdom as the 9th comes up.
I continue to direct my thoughts to His Glory, His Kingdom and His Grace
It would be my nephews first birthday on Sunday.
I remember getting the phone call and finding out he was here. My sister in law and I have a call-first pact, as I recall I almost heard from someone else but got the call just in time. I marveled at his quick delivery and teased her for having such a short labor.
We ended the phone call as I made plans in my head to call later that week.
Sadly, the next time we spoke, it was a brief prayer as her son was life-flighted due to a serious complication.
I sobbed my way through youth group and spent the whole night hitting the refresh button on my facebook as I sat by my bed pleading and begging God for a miracle.
Late in the night we got the phone call we'd been dreading.
More than anything, I wanted to run up as fast as I could to take the pain away from J and C
I felt so astounded that God would ask this of them. More than anything I wanted to know WHY? I understood the death of my own son and I had accepted this as God's will but, I could not understand God's plan and design in taking James. I asked him... how does it make them better people? What is your purpose?
I began to see through the weeks that followed that God did not want me asking why but, instead wanted acceptance and trust in him.
I feel odd writing my feelings out. I feel as though I should be quiet and mum about it. It almost feels selfish. I was not his Mother and did not suffer as she did. Why should I be writing about frustrations and sadness?
I should instead direct my writings to some other area.
I need to tell about it. I want to honor his memory and help keep the memory of him alive.
I have done a lot of talking with my friend/sister in law this year. I feel it has radically changed our relationship. I value her more, I trust her with more of my thoughts.
I see her relationship with her children in a new way. I value my nieces and nephews more.
I am reminded to value my own children.
At this point I begin to see the ripple effect. I begin to see how James has affected those around him more in 7 days then some people do in 70 years.
In my Bible Study, I looked at the life of Stephen this last week. In the past, I have spent a lot of time feeling pretty badly for him. Thinking, poor guy he got taken out when the fun was just starting. I always liked Paul...he lived to a ripe old age but, poor Stephen he missed out.
As I was studying I was stopped in my tracks. Stephen's death was the catalyst for Paul's salvation .
God's plan was for Stephen to jump-start people for Christ with his death.
Also, Stephen was not missing the story he was at the ending of it! The Lord calls some of us to be Paul's and some of us to be Stephen's in life. Each are equally important to the kingdom.
I am so thankful for this nugget of God's wisdom as the 9th comes up.
I continue to direct my thoughts to His Glory, His Kingdom and His Grace
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing Mel. I cannot believe this was one year ago. My prayers are with you and your family during this time.
Really have been thinking about your whole family a lot! I love how you share your heart...it really gives God the glory as you put into words how you trust Him.
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