When my son was born, we were told he had some issues that would require surgery for him to be more comfortable in life.
(It is not a life-threatening issue just a comfort thing)
One of the three problems has, is called Hypospadias
(Graphic description warning)
The original surgery was to be in November but, was cancelled at the last minute due to a doctor's over-concern about a rash Conner had.
Yesterday, we had attempt number two.
Unfortunately, the Doctor was sick. So, again we were told it was cancelled.
Twice we have driven three hours, put our poor friends out as they let us stay with them,
taken time off work and had my poor mother in law drive from Oregon to watch Bella.
I was feeling a little down yesterday but, my husband helped make straight my path
and reminded me of our need not to question God's timing, and that it is perfect.
I was also reminded,. as I stared out the window at passing hills,
that my trouble are pretty small in comparison to what could be happening.
5 years ago this March, my son passed away, and yesterday my nephew would have been 4 months old.
With Conner's life, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I find myself always on edge with each cough he makes, if he grimaces or specifically with this surgery.
My mind grabs at possible outcomes.
What if he reacts to anesthesia? What if he quits breathing?
What if...
What if...
What if!!!
Then the still small voice of the savior comes to me,
reminding me who made Conner, telling me my fears have no place here, and I should just have faith.
Lately when these fear crowd in I have been singing the words to this song.
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
I realized God has been teaching me these things over the course of the last year.
To rely on his grace, to trust and not fear and to realize that heaven is home not earth!
For me to waste time worrying where Conner will end up is so human and frail.
Heaven is our ultimate destination.
So I need to chose to walk in faith!
Faith about where my children will go, faith about life's twists and turns,
Verses to mediate on
(It is not a life-threatening issue just a comfort thing)
One of the three problems has, is called Hypospadias
(Graphic description warning)
The original surgery was to be in November but, was cancelled at the last minute due to a doctor's over-concern about a rash Conner had.
Yesterday, we had attempt number two.
Unfortunately, the Doctor was sick. So, again we were told it was cancelled.
Twice we have driven three hours, put our poor friends out as they let us stay with them,
taken time off work and had my poor mother in law drive from Oregon to watch Bella.
I was feeling a little down yesterday but, my husband helped make straight my path
and reminded me of our need not to question God's timing, and that it is perfect.
I was also reminded,. as I stared out the window at passing hills,
that my trouble are pretty small in comparison to what could be happening.
5 years ago this March, my son passed away, and yesterday my nephew would have been 4 months old.
With Conner's life, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I find myself always on edge with each cough he makes, if he grimaces or specifically with this surgery.
My mind grabs at possible outcomes.
What if he reacts to anesthesia? What if he quits breathing?
What if...
What if...
What if!!!
Then the still small voice of the savior comes to me,
reminding me who made Conner, telling me my fears have no place here, and I should just have faith.
Lately when these fear crowd in I have been singing the words to this song.
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
I realized God has been teaching me these things over the course of the last year.
To rely on his grace, to trust and not fear and to realize that heaven is home not earth!
For me to waste time worrying where Conner will end up is so human and frail.
Heaven is our ultimate destination.
So I need to chose to walk in faith!
Faith about where my children will go, faith about life's twists and turns,
Verses to mediate on
Timothy 1:7
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid,
but gives us power, love and self-discipline
Romans 14:8
For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.
For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord.
Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.
Isaiah 41:10, 13
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God:
I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea,
I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. . . .
For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee,
Fear not; I will help thee
1 comment:
Thank you for being real, Melissa. The is an encouraging post. I appreciate your honest and growing heart, making room for more of what the Lord wants.
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